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Zabier

Drunken Stories

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That's grim mate. Almost as grim as when my mate threw road kill at my mate's face. He had guts all over him. It turned out to be a rare species of pine martin! Playing with dead animals is only fun if they're still warm!

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Me and my mates found a badger once, rigur mortis had set in but we wanted to take pictures of it in funny positions, so we just broke it \o/

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I snogged one of my mates when pished once. He's a shite snog ;|

There was another time on the way back from a party when my mate picked up a dead robin and put it in the hood of my ex-girlfriends hoody. We never told her about it and she never told us that she found it either, so fuck knows what happened to it.

Drunken sayings. You know, the ones that makes absolutely zero sense whatsoever? I told my mate who got me pissed for the very first time "you're the reason my feet are on the floor". When my ex-girlfriend brought my semi-conscious self back to her to spend the night (no sex was happening, she a virgin), her parents were upstairs, I made loads of noise and roared out "Let's sort out that virginity of yours!" at the top of my voice.

At the Oasis concert in Slane, fell asleep in a portaloo for two hours.

I'm pretty sure there's a hell of a lot more. Can't think atm though.

Edited by Rivaldo

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I've winched a guy afore, at the chapel in the arches \o/

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Must've been about a year ago but I got stripped naked and tied to the front pole thing outside my house... Not a pretty site. Thankfully it was about 5am so none of my neighbours were about \o/.

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I'm a boring drunk, can't think of anything worth telling when i've been pissed ;|

I just talk a lot, 100% of which is total shite. I felt sorry for the people standing next to me at Southampton last week, who I kept talking to \o/

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All I do when im drunk is fall over and chain smoke ;|

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I smoke when I'm drunk, you don't seem to get addicted whilst smoking when drunk, saying that i smoked for two weeks in Magaluf and i didnt get addicted ;|

I have also pulled a mate in spin teh bottle, it was 3 really smart girls and us 2, we were willing to take a risk :D

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I snogged one of my mates when pished once. He's a shite snog ;|

There was another time on the way back from a party when my mate picked up a dead robin and put it in the hood of my ex-girlfriends hoody. We never told her about it and she never told us that she found it either, so fuck knows what happened to it.

Drunken sayings. You know, the ones that makes absolutely zero sense whatsoever? I told my mate who got me pissed for the very first time "you're the reason my feet are on the floor". When my ex-girlfriend brought my semi-conscious self back to her to spend the night (no sex was happening, she a virgin), her parents were upstairs, I made loads of noise and roared out "Let's sort out that virginity of yours!" at the top of my voice.

At the Oasis concert in Slane, fell asleep in a portaloo for two hours.

I'm pretty sure there's a hell of a lot more. Can't think atm though.

Oh lord, that's just fucking immense! It sounds like something one of my mates would say while fucking sober!!! :lol:

I just chat a lot of shit when I'm pissed - on my 18th I was walking down a street shouting "ROADS ARE EVIL, CARS CAN KILL YA!" while running down the middle of the road in an aeroplane-esque way...before screaming "MISTERRRRRRRRRR!!!!! KENNEDYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.... KENNEDYYYYYYYY!!!" when walking down the prom and shouting at some chavs in a car when they drove past, even though they'd long gone. That sorta thing.

I hardly ever get pissed though, so meh ;|

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Pretty much the whole of Reading was an awesome drunken story, probably the best bit was when my mate was talking, beer in one hand, mid-sentence his trousers just fell down and he carried on talking. He didn't realise for about 20mins and then spent about an hour trying to get them back up again.

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One of my favourite drunken memories from university was at our Summer Ball in 2005. The night was fairly old and we'd been drinking since midday when our last exam had finished. Yes, unfortunately myself and my ex-housemate had an exam on the day of the ball!

So we hit a house gathering and did loads of drinking games before we hit the ball. We were a mess going into the place so hitting the bar was the worst idea. My housemate at the time then dared us to neck some shots. Sadly, his idea of realism had gone out the window. He ordered 10 shots of vodka in each. Now he didn't know that my football team mates were by my side so every shot he passed me I then passed on to them. Meanwhile he's there necking shot after shot. By about the 6th shot he then projectile vomitted over the bar, over the barman's hand and all over some girls standing by us. He just looked at them with vomit still dripping from his mouth before looking at me and mumbling... 'I am so ashamed of myself'. His head then went down on the bar before he fell down and passed out on the floor. :)

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A while back I got wasted and was walking back home with 3 others before we got to some birds house we knew. I was absolutely off my tits and was calmly pissing in the garden before dunc tells me to aim through the letter box, so off I went and pissed through the letter box. As I'm leaving the garden I go to knock on the window before dunc tells me to use a big prop thing that holds up the washing line. I hit it 3 times, somehow not smashing it before running down the road forgetting im holding this massive thing and lobbed it somewhere. After sprinting half a mile down the road we decided to take some milk the milkman had just delivered before the police turned up ;| They said a guy in white(dunc) had been seen acting strangely outside a house and someone had called the police. What we didnt realise was that dunc had heard this woman call the police and despite telling us, we were too wasted to understand and left him to run home. Thankfully none of the 3 of us left had a white t-shirt on so they just told us to quickly get home.

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Hahaha sounds ace. It's great stealing milk in the morning, even better when it's orange juice!

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I remember me and a few mates were over this girls house as her parents were away and everyone was drinking in the front room and two of my mates went to the kitchen, they said they were getting drinks, they came back in and had smiles on there faces, so you could tell they had done something. The girl that lives there went in the kitchen and saw one of them had shat in the kitchen sink, was horrible but so hilarious, she went to pick it uo with something and the boy that done it said be careful with my shit \o/

Yeah we got kicked out of her house and she now hates my mate :D

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Hahahaha fuck, that's amazing.

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I remember me and a few mates were over this girls house as her parents were away and everyone was drinking in the front room and two of my mates went to the kitchen, they said they were getting drinks, they came back in and had smiles on there faces, so you could tell they had done something. The girl that lives there went in the kitchen and saw one of them had shat in the kitchen sink, was horrible but so hilarious, she went to pick it uo with something and the boy that done it said be careful with my shit \o/

Yeah we got kicked out of her house and she now hates my mate :D

Haha, I struggle to see how he logistically pulled that off without crying with laughter. That's so audacious it's unreal! I've never heard anything so crude but fucking funny. :)

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I remember we seen them out that night and she flat out hit him in the face, was so funny, don't think i had laughed that hard for ages, the boy is clean off btw, shared a room with him in Magaluf, we were known as a tag team in school :D

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Fought a security guard, started on a Canadian, and rubbed rather smelly fanny batter under my mates nose in Magaluf. Oh and trashed a mates room and got kicked out the hotel.

Was staying at a burds house and her bathroom you had to go past her sleeping mother to get to it so i pished in her sink \o/

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I'm starting to realise we have a bunch of skanky bastards on these boards. Hahaha.

The worst thing I've done was when we knew a guy in university who was a bit weird. He had a strange look and had books like 'How To Win Friends' and 'How To Get The Most Out Of People'.

Anyway, he had annoyed myself and my ex-housemate by being quite two faced. So at his house party we snuck into his bedroom. My ex-housemate wiped his cock and bum on the guy's pillow before I pissed in his bin and all over his credit and debit cards.

The following week we were in a club and he abused me on the text screen in this club saying something generic like 'Steve's mum is a slut'. So I put 'Hi Tom, I pissed in your bin and on your credit cards whilst my housemate wiped his dick in your pillow. All I know is my mum isn't actually a slut'. Not spoken to him since.

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Hahaha awesome!

Once I had taken loads of swedge and crashed at my mates from unis, his whole family were in and their house is really noisy to walk about and I slept downstairs in the living room. The toilet was upstairs and it was like 5am and I was still fleeing, so I couldn't sleep and needed a pish. So I just went into the kitchen to piss in the sink, and there was just dirty dishes in the sink, so I just took a slash all over them anyway hahah.

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I'm starting to realise we have a bunch of skanky bastards on these boards. Hahaha.

The worst thing I've done was when we knew a guy in university who was a bit weird. He had a strange look and had books like 'How To Win Friends' and 'How To Get The Most Out Of People'.

Anyway, he had annoyed myself and my ex-housemate by being quite two faced. So at his house party we snuck into his bedroom. My ex-housemate wiped his cock and bum on the guy's pillow before I pissed in his bin and all over his credit and debit cards.

The following week we were in a club and he abused me on the text screen in this club saying something generic like 'Steve's mum is a slut'. So I put 'Hi Tom, I pissed in your bin and on your credit cards whilst my housemate wiped his dick in your pillow. All I know is my mum isn't actually a slut'. Not spoken to him since.

If only your piss didn't smell and taste so damn good eh Zab? ;|

That actually reminds me about 4 years ago, me and my mates were heading off out but were drinking in my mates first, so i decided to drink half a bottle of my mates lager and then piss in the bottle, we put it in the fridge for a tiny bit and he drank the whole thing \o/

1048184664a1581865848b153234416l.jpg

Thats the picture, was so class at the time :D

EDIT: Jordo :lol:

Edited by Rich.

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Some sick but class stories :lol:

Reminds me of a lads holiday in Lithuania when we were in this pub/club whatever they have over there and i needed a piss but there was one toilet with a 10 man queue. I thought fuck this ran down about 5 flights of stairs and just pissed in this escalator entrance. I still feel sorry for the poor guy who found that big puddle of piss but I physically couldnt carry on waiting for a piss a second longer.

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That actually reminds me about 4 years ago, me and my mates were heading off out but were drinking in my mates first, so i decided to drink half a bottle of my mates lager and then piss in the bottle, we put it in the fridge for a tiny bit and he drank the whole thing \o/

Me and three mates done that to somebody we never liked once, he was a friend of a friend, who had invited him to one of my parties. I had bought everyones carry outs under the knowledge I was getting all the money back when they turned up.

We found out who the 3l bottle of cider was for, we emptied the bottle and the four of us filled it up with our piss and sat trying not to laugh hysterically at the fact the poor guy drank the full bottle throughout the night

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I pissed in some empty wine bottle before and gave it to a drunken mate, needless to say he necked it down and then started to chunder it all back up in my back garden. I made him clear it up in the morning so it was all good in teh end.

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